What things do men and women think about during sex and where do they rank? Credit: getty

We all had that thought pop into our head during sex. The one we push to the back of our minds so we don’t burst out laughing or hurt the other person’s feelings.

We might feel like we’re the only ones to ever think such weird thoughts mid-session, but in fact, we’re not alone.

The top then things men and women think about during sex have been revealed and they are hilariously relatable.

Unsurprisingly, women most often think, ‘I’m not finished yet’, because men often climax before their partner.

However men’s most common thought is about having sex with an ex, so it’s just as well we can’t think out loud.

It’s worth noting, however, that this bit of research comes from IllicitEncounters, a dating site for people having affairs, and a poll of their users.

So perhaps these people’s most common mid-sex thoughts aren’t representative of the general population. After all, someone who would sign up to an affairs site is probably more likely to fantasise about someone else while with their partner, right?

What is more realistic, however, is that the study found that women’s second most popular thought during sex is ‘slow down’, because men often thrust too fast and also tend to speed up when women ask them to keep going, which makes it harder to climax.

But men will be relived to hear that third on the list was ‘this is amazing’ – showing lots of women are happy with the performance of their lover.

What men and women think about during sex, according to IllicitEncounters

According to the IllicitEncounters survey, here are men and women’s most common thoughts during sex.


  1. I’m not finished yet
  2. Slow down
  3. This is amazing
  4. How much longer is this going on?
  5. Sex with an ex
  6. Be more gentle
  7. Sex with a celebrity
  8. I want to try another position
  9. I have work in the morning
  10. Where did he learn to do that?


  1. Sex with an ex
  2. This is amazing
  3. I need to calm down
  4. Sex with a celebrity
  5. Sport – how are my team doing?
  6. Sex with a friend or a work colleague
  7. I wish she would talk dirty to me
  8. When can we do this again?
  9. I have work in the morning
  10. This is not as good as usual

‘This is amazing’ also features second on the men’s list.

For women thinking about sex with an ex also features but this is fifth on the list compared to first place for men. And again, we must reiterate: this is a poll of people who are actively seeking out affairs.

Men are also very aware they often finish before their partner so the third thought on their list was ‘I need to calm down’.

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert at IllicitEncounters.com, said: ‘No one has a blank page in their minds during sex.

‘Many of us are very happy with our sex lives and our love making thoughts are filled with warm feelings towards our partner.

‘But sex becomes routine for many couples and they try to make it more exciting by fantasising about sex scenarios they wish would happen.

‘Both sexes think about sex with a desirable ex and there are other popular fantasises about sleeping with celebrities and sexy work colleagues or friends that they might fancy but are unavailable.’

Here at Metro.co.uk we conducted our own survey of common thoughts that popped into people’s heads during sex.

Women are more prone to frustrated thoughts such as ‘I’m not finished yet’ and ‘be more gentle’ (Credits: Getty Images)

For men, common thoughts were ‘will she let me put in it her bum?’ and some said they thought of something like a maths problem or their nan to help them last longer.

One man said: ‘I’m fairly heavy so I tend to think about whether I’m crushing the poor lass’.

Women had far more specific thoughts, one of the most common answers being ‘does he think that’s where my clit is?’. Many said they have to keep telling themselves to concentrate or stay in the moment if they were going to have any chance of climaxing.

‘Why have you got the big light on?’ was also a common thought during sex.

What people think during sex, according to our mini survey

Here at Metro.co.uk we asked a bunch of people for their most frequent thoughts during sex. Here’s what they said:

  • Stay in the moment, stop thinking
  • Wait, does he think that’s where my clit is?
  • Slow down
  • That’s a weird angle
  • Why is your tongue still in my mouth?
  • I hope they’re not looking at my bum hole
  • Why does he think I like this?
  • Where did they learn that?
  • How much porn has he been watching?
  • I bet he thinks he’s really good at this
  • Will I ever have an orgasm?
  • Will she let me put it in her bum?
  • Did I do a good job shaving?
  • God I need to fart
  • Can you hurry up? I’m bored
  • Am I good at this?
  • Do I look good from this angle?
  • I’m nailing this
  • More kissing please
  • Do they like this?
  • Do I like this?
  • Have we done this position before? I can’t remember
  • Why is he so smooth down there?
  • Why have you got the big light on?
  • Turn the light off
  • How long has it been since I last made a noise?
  • Will he go home after this?
  • When can I go home?
  • These bedsheets are gross
  • Please don’t slip, please don’t slip
  • Shall I fake it?
  • I should clean the windows
  • Did I actually hang up that work call or can everyone hear this?

Upon penetration a lot of women hoping that their male partner doesn’t slip or miss and that they get the right entrance.

One woman said that when sex gets so bad she watches the Shrek film in her brain to take her mind off it.

How male partners choose to position themselves also prompts women to think: ‘If he keeps leaning on me like that, will I die?’.

Overall women’s thoughts during sex tend to be slightly more critical than men’s and that usually stems from the difficulty of reaching an orgasm.

Men who finish easily, sometimes too easily, tend to have more positive thoughts about sex with their partner.

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